I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
