Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
