At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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