I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
