I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
