im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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