im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
