Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
