she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize