so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Barsexuality is the new black.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
