we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
