Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
