Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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