My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
