I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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