He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
