I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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