This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
