Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
