you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
