dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
