stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
