member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize