dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
