Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
