new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need water and some morals
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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