i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
