dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
