Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
