Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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