The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How does one acquire holy water?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
