i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
