How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
