i don't plan on having that self control this summer
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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