He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
