Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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