OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
