how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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