Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
