I faked an abortion last night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
