Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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