We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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