Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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