I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
