The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
