Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
