There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
