How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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