Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
