I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
