people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
