He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
