is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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