I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
