I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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