I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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