i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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