You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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