dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
