I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
