she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize