I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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