Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
