Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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