Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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