i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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